Let's Get Kraken
The tale of how calamari came to Little Kentucky.
Let’s Get Kraken!
By Sgt. Otto Renner
“Calamari for dinner? Here?” Otto heard a Little Kentucky mechanic ask his buddy. Otto just smiled and had another serving. He was not sure how much to talk about the strange events outside the squad and that Stilo Pherom feller, so he kept the story to himself. That is an awful lot to ask of a story-tellin southern man from Kentucky. So, he told it to himself.
The Medic, the Hacker, and yours truly were up for guard duty. Ah, the stories of the special forces cannot keep up with the true glory of the role. After humping over to the guard tower, we found it disturbingly empty. Now the Hacker tried to slack off – almost expected of the type. But not these other guys that have been deep in the miasma.
It was then a weird mist rolled over us all unnatural like. Then we started seeing things that did not make sense. Some sort of race just finished up and there were a couple of our guys involved. A slightly insane disembodied voice called out “more for the show!” We were whisked over to the ocean where we saw a number of steam-driven Viking ships – if there ever were such a thing. “You must get the Kraken! Yes, that will be a good show!”
There were four long-ships – one crewed by women calling themselves the Maidens, one by men in Viking outfits, one by werewolves, and one by us. None of this made sense, but little had since Otto stepped foot onto Little Kentucky. The boats all had harpoons with chains attached. “Well, lets get Kraken!” I said – but no one laughed.
The werewolves ripped their steam engine apart and threw it off the longboat. The old fashion way for them I guess. The women and men were both brewing something although by the smells, it was not the same thing. We just tried to get things going in the right direction. Not that everything else was normal, but the really weird part was if you thought about something hard enough it would happen. For example, after manning the harpoon just the thought of a winch made it appear! The hacker was not the most pleased as the environments were fighting his high-tech mind, but he did manage to add a targeting device to the harpoon.
It was a mad dash into the ocean with the Kraken eager to close with the long-boats. Unfortunately, we were off like a herd of turtles. The werewolves leapt ahead of us, but one good harpoon in the back of the longboat both slowed them down and sped us up. The Maidens made good progress and got the first shot on the Kraken as it closed. That seemed to put a burr up its butt more than anything. The Vikings were all raving about Odin’s brew, but it did not seem like they were going to get into the game soon.
It was time to try this harpoon out for real. My first shot nearly got its eye. It returned its baleful gaze, clearly indicating its intent. After accounting for some Kentucky Windage and the turbulent seas, I put that ‘poon right in one eye and out ta other. That thing trashed about like a henhouse after you toss a hornet’s nest in to see what happens. I seriously thought I was a goner until I landed right by the winch mechanism. After dropping the chain to the Kraken, things got quiet like church on Sunday.
That seemed to please whomever was running the show. Another fog rolled in and we found ourselves back at the guard tower. We all questioned, "Did any of that really happen?" but I looked up and there it was. That lovely harpoon was mounted on the tower.
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